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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21102
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The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21103
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21104
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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21105
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-a** student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21106
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Therapy
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole... The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately apologised. 'Please allow me to help! I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll let me,' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right! I'll be fine in a few minutes!' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands into his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
'It feels great,' he said. 'But I still think my thumb's broken.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21307
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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21479
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As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said… ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard… 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was… ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21480
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Saw this in today's paper:The boss of Ryanair goes into a bar in Dublin and orders a pint of Guinness. "That'll be one Euro," says the barman. "That's a very reasonable price." The barman leans forward: "And will ye be wanting a glass as well, Mr O'Leary?"
PM 5770Middlesex
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Post #21540
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Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven,Sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic,
You do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces.
What did they say when you came in late there?
They said, "Good morning General, can I get you coffee, sir?''
Tom Cherup 32°
Olive Branch Lodge #542
Dearborn, Michigan
Scottish Rite - Valley of Detroit
Detroit Masonic Temple - It''s bigger than yours!
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Post #21571
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